Today's society, of this simple and at this time, of this law of minimal effort and instantaneous result, avoids (talking of) death and lives with its back to pain and suffering and isn't (longer) ready to handle these premises, nor to support a person in her/his despair. Instead it blocks the standard expression of pain and the flow of the pure process (for which, though in the early stages of your pain that you do not think it, we're all biologically prepared).
WHAT IS MOURNING?
You will find profound processes that are shown naturally and involuntarily (emotions, thoughts and physiological senses ) with the death of a loved one, even in creatures.And the truth is, it's scary. To assimilate the logical - (I understand she/he has died and will not return) and emotional (I understand she/he has expired and that I accept it) implications demands work. Avoiding this painful task will not protect you from the pain of living without the deceased family.
Among the most important tasks, or even the most, is to RE-LOCATE her/him emotionally.It's not about denying, but about being able to do so painlessly, re-elaborating the bond together with whom is no longer there.
And it hurts. How already claims its Latin root, dolus, which suggests pain.Stress joins us with our most essential, intimate, fragile and vulnerable area, which isn't simple to reveal to others, nor - sometimes - to ourself.
Mourning is a standard and necessary adaptation process after a loss (of a beloved one, a sentimental break, loss of employment, health, youth...) or other critical changes in our lives (based on Bucay even changes for the better, because most of enclose the reduction of that which was before).
STAGES OF MOURNINGAlthough theoretically several stages of mourning are differentiated, especially the first ones appear often mixed up.
Remember:
It is no surprise to fly in the first stages of grief, it is something that you can't control voluntarily. I remember the show I must have made in the practice when Miga perished surprising - and suddenly, and arriving at crises, they might only certify her passing. Obviously in those minutes I wasn't myself and that I had no control over the avalanche of emotions that were attacking me.
GUILT -
phase of"and if..." fantasizing about different scenarios, beyond our hands and blaming ourselves for what occurred
DESOLATION -
realizing reality and our impotence in the face of it. It's usually the longest and toughest stage.
FECUNDITY -
transformation of the pain into something useful for many others, devoted to the deceased (altruistic activities ). Every act of kindness helps to cure the wound in our heart.
ACCEPTANCE -
of exactly what occurred, knowing that the person who left will constantly have (a new) location in our heart, having the ability to remember without pain.Mourning, because of vital catastrophe, breaks our strategies, and may be catastrophic, but also a catalyst of internal growth, once we re-learn to live in the present without renouncing the past.
But, attachment is not to be confused with memory. Keeping a memory, even developing a little corner with a photo, candles and a few thing of the deceased, helps us in the journey of farewell and re-location - if we don't cling to what is no more and that which we are no more (next to whom travelled away).
Our jewelry - unlike traditional memorial funerary jewelry for ashes - carries part of your furry friend (in fact the hair conveys her/his DNA) - that will connect one to her/his life, maybe not her/his death. It's a real and visible memory on the path of letting go and of turning the emptiness in it to gratitude and love to your time shared.
